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How to love a Fireball

My grandfather always had this saying,

Busy as a bee in hot skillet

The birthday card from my parents this last year said something about ‘dynamite in a dress’.  I’m passionate and intense.  I’ve been called stubborn, over zealous, high energy, hot headed, hyperactive, sassy and forward.  I roar my discontentment and I boldly speak my opinion. I’ll listen to yours but rarely compromise.  We’ll probably agree to disagree at the end of the day. When it comes to love, I’ll love ferociously.  I’ll uphold promises and commitments. I have a high disdain injustice or the absence of morality. I’ll tear a liar to shreds while his pants are burning to a crisp. We can talk for hours about the state of the world, religion, your old lover’s shortcomings, or how whoever changed the green Skittle from lime to green apple should be tortured to death.

I am a Fireball.

I think sometimes people read my blunt, passionate nature as bitchy or even intimidating.  I think men especially don’t know what to do with women of my breed.  All that passion and strength is intriguing and exciting.  It also can get a little crazy and too hot in the kitchen if you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into. If women came with instruction manuals they’d need constant revision and be probably longer than any U.S. Highway.  That being said, here’s a very mini road-map to loving your Fireball:

 

1. Productiveness is to Godliness.

Because Fireballs are so high energy we have this expectation that things should be done and they should be done NOW.  Because that’s when we’d do them.  When your Fireball asks you to take out the trash, she means RIGHT NOW.  I find myself getting annoyed with partners that move at a snail’s pace.  If you’re a Snail paired with a Fireball, there can be a happy medium because she does need someone to remind her to just simmer sometimes.  However, this is one of those things you need to pick your battles.  If it’s something simple like a chore that can be done sooner rather than later, my suggestion is to do it.

2.  Change happens but YOU aren’t going to change her and if you try she will probably turn into a time bomb.

Note: You should never go into a relationship thinking you’ll make someone better or change their attitude about something. You are what you bring to the table and you change yourself no one does that for you and you can’t do that for someone else.

So I dated this guy for a long time that hated how I dressed and he didn’t like how boisterous I could be at times. I don’t know why but I felt like I could tone it back a little for my partner.  But what I was really doing was just losing myself and the things that made me who I am.  You should love your Fireball for all she is- even the burnt parts that are kind of ugly.  Those ugly scarred parts are what make her so passionate in the first place.  At some point something set her ablaze and she never stopped being on fire.  When you tell her to “tone it down” that’s like telling her to put her fire out and keeping up with that type of nonsense will put out her fire. You’ll end up with a shell of a girl you loved. Shells can be dangerous.  They have empty room to store all that bottled up fuel we haven’t used. Gasoline that is just waiting for a light- like that one time you don’t take out the trash or say something nice to the cute check out girl at Costco in front of us.

3. When burn out happens, urge recharge and encourage refueling.

Even the Energizer Bunny loses steam at some point.  A huge sign of a true Fireball is that she doesn’t know when to quit.  You practically have to feed her sedatives to get her to sit still.  I’m just a huge blur in the majority of my brother’s wedding photos- always jumping around like I’m in a bounce house 24/7.   Doesn’t just apply to having fun either- sometimes life is emotionally, mentally, and physically draining but we just keep going.  A lover of a Fireball should be aware enough to pour her a glass of wine and scoop her up until her ass calms down. Turn her phone off and draw her a bath.  If she’s lost her smile, has become too serious or works too much, remind her life is all about actually living by taking her to a jazz club or her favorite live music venue.  She’ll love you to the moon and back for recognizing the things she’s lost sight of.  Healthy distraction and a little TLC go a long way.

4. Taking accountability and handling an argument without getting burned.

I think a great couple is one in which both people hold each other accountable.  It’s checks and balances.  This is especially important when you’ve fallen for a Fireball.  Our impetuous nature leads us to jump to conclusions and sometimes overreact.  I’ve legitimately sat through an entire dinner conversation quietly fuming over something I misheard from my partner only to explode in the car on the way home, making a giant ass out of myself.  Apologies are given but with reluctance at times.  That fire is burning a little hot at the end of an argument.  It’s best to let your Fireball cool off before true acknowledgement of wrongfulness or forgiveness can be reached. If that means she needs to go in the other room and read for awhile, then that’s what she needs to do. If she’s wrong she’ll come to you with an open full apology after she’s had time to get the red out of her eyes.  If you’ve crossed her, be ready to not only say sorry but also take accountability for the mistake.  We don’t like excuses and we need you to make it right.  We need you to rectify whatever it is right now not next week or 10 years from now. Probably be wise not to do whatever it is that made her so pissed again either if you’d like to continue walking around with all of your limbs. Jokes but seriously she will turn into a firestorm if you’ve worked through an issue but it continues to happen after the fact.

5. Be stronger than we are.

I have had complaints in the past about partners not being able to cut it or not able to hustle with my hustle.  One of my fabulous friends coined it best, “You need someone as strong or stronger than you are.”  A Fireball will railroad or get totally bored with a guy that just can’t keep up.  When I asked an old boyfriend once about why he didn’t speak up sooner about issues he had with me for over a year, he just said, “It’s really hard to say no to you.” This is what I’m saying, total railroad all up in your face. We can hold it down but sometimes we need someone to hold us down and ground us.  We like active people, passiveness just doesn’t fly. We like doers verses complainers. If you tell me you hate your job seven days a week, you should be making moves to make a change in that attitude. Aggressiveness can even be fun in the right context.  Too much tequila and we might get lippy, making out is an excellent way to shut us up.  Think Mr. and Mrs. Smith just try not to demolish the house.