Confessions of a Judgey McJudgerson: Relationship status

I sat at this table eating this marvelous white cupcake. It had crunchy on the outside but soft melt in your mouth butter-cream frosting. Peeling the wrapper back a little more and stuffing another bite into my mouth I thought,

This is never going to last.

Everyone has known a couple like this.  There were countless stories of domestic incidents. One specifically unique to this couple, the bride threw a brick through the groom’s car windshield. Two wild fires catching each other to form a storm of volatile craziness.  I often suspect that these types of couples have super hot sex lives but that doesn’t make a marriage last, or does it?

I smiled sipping my vodka tonic, looking over at my then beau of 3 years. We had it pretty good, didn’t we? We had this great apartment in the city. We had both gotten new and improved jobs recently. I was considering going back to school and he was working a side job as a trainer at a gym. He made me laugh and we were in love. Life was good.

The relationship ended that following spring and I went on with my life.   That’s been nearly three years ago.  I’ve been doing some purging and spring cleaning in several areas, including my closet and my email.  So very clearly, through my emails and chats with my ex lover, we weren’t happy at all.  There was nothing even remotely passionate about that relationship.  At the time, when things ended so bitterly, I was devastated.  I couldn’t even understand where things had went so terribly wrong. We had it pretty good hadn’t we?  And to everyone else maybe it seemed that way too.  Friends and family were somewhat shocked.

Things get super weird when you see them through rose-colored glasses.

I think when I entered that relationship, for the first time in my entire life, I was ready for something bigger than myself. Because I wanted it so bad, I made it so in my head.

Living in a world without those glasses and off my high horse has done miracles for me.  Failure of a relationship doesn’t have to mean you were a fool.

Hanging out here without my riding boots has helped me see love on the inside and not what we see at face value. I don’t condone abusive relationships.  I’m saying sometimes it’s good for a mismatch to be a match.   People go through some shit- sometimes those times of grief and loss make couple who they are and prepare them for what lies ahead of them.

No relationship is perfect. Even the relationship that looks like they have it all, doesn’t. And those that are a crazy wildfire they might just be a good mix of what it takes to succeed in the long run.

I’m working on being non-judgmental in other aspects of my life also.  It’s easier said than done though when taking a stroll through my neighborhood Walmart or when I see people bringing their babies into bars.  Maybe that part of me will remain snotty.  We wear pink on Wednesdays.